My sister emailed today that my father, or Dad, I guess, since I just learned he isn't my biological father, is declining quickly. It's been confusing, he wasn't supposed to make it through Christmas, but then he was doing well and for some reason my mother said he was going to recover fully and now, well, it sounds like I need to get out there soon if I'm going to say good-bye. My heart is breaking. It's been so sudden!

Three weeks today since our dog died. I was informed that the vet was fired. No consulation.

I got on the scale today. ACK. A bigger job than I realized in my last post. I need to lose about 25 pounds. And I was wrong about the sizes hubbie bought me for Christmas. ACK and GASP.

And still, for some crazy reason, I just woke up and decided I wasn't going to smoke today. Quitting was my challenge a few weeks ago, or maybe months? Time has lost meaning as the crises flow together. But in thinking about my savings and earning goals for the year, reading through the forums, I allowed my mind to drift through all the potential savings, cost cuttings, frugalities, and earnings potentials, and scattered among all this was the simple fact that smoking is costing me money. It's costing my health. It's adding prescriptions. It's stinking up my new fuzzy bathrobe. It's burnt holes through my Polartec gloves (and have you ever tried to get smoke out of Polartec? Plastic absorbs!). My ashes are confined to a single pot outside, but the dog wants to sniff and walk though them. I'm TIRED of doing laundry and washing my hair and even fading my hair coloring getting the smell of smoke out. All the little things that you never think about when dumping $4 out for a pack of cigarettes (well, I buy cartons, but the principle is the same).

So, even though it has been a stressful day, and hubbie is in a grumpy mood to boot, I just haven't smoked. I'm a bit irritable, but I get irritable when I can't run 6 miles or hike or need to step out for a smoke at an inappropriate time, or when the horses are sniffing the smoke on my gloves. Or I realize I'm doing 12 loads of laundry a week because of the SMOKE. It is SO out of character for me to smoke.

No New Year's resolutions. I don't believe in them for myself, mainly because it's so likely some crisis will happen and interrupt the resolution, and I don't want to wait for the next year to restart the goal.

I think as I quit, I'll start tracking the costs that decrease, and try to estimate what it has been costing me. I read Jeffrey's article, and I'd like to see what my own costs have been.

Other than that, have lots of little ideas bouncing around for the $20 challenge, but it seems like you need a plan to post the start, and I haven't firmed up a plan. So, I'll keep pondering, and maybe organizing a bit. Nothing saves money like organizing!