The other E is for ENVY.
I realized this as I was responding to email this morning. My sister wrote to say Mom was signing her house over to my sister. Because *I* and my brother have houses, and she doesn't. Of course, she has a State funded pension plan, and no mortgage hanging over her head. But she admits she is so jealous that she can't stand that our niece just bought a house.
Now, we've all made our own choices. My sister doesn't do without. She enjoys what she has. But ENVY, that's a killer. She ENVIES my weight, because she's overweight. She ENVIES my health, because she didn't take care of her own. She ENVIES the things I have, but she choose to spend her money on other things. Like vacations every 3 months. I have had maybe one vacation every ten years.
I've been the one who paid out for my parents prescriptions and big screen and stereo system and housekeepers and camcorder and medical bills anything else they wanted or needed. I'm not bitter about it, but it's just a fact. We even pay for my sister's email account.
It occurred to me during this whole hideous mess, what an impact ENVY can have on our finances. Keeping up with the Joneses, needing 200 pairs of jeans because someone else has them, wanting to NOT be on a budget because your peers aren't. Wanting what everyone else seems to be putting into THEIR carts at the grocery store.
But ENVY is a funny thing. People ENVY my success, my lifestyle, what they perceive it must be like to me be. But I don't know a single person who would be willing to live through what I have. My sister left home long before I was there, eating out of garbage cans as my parents struggled to survive. She wasn't there when Mom had a breakdown and I kept things going. She wasn't there when DH and I were working 72 hour shifts every few days getting our degrees. She wasn't there when I had to give up my career and start over because DH was relocated. Or when I lost my friends in 9/11, or from cancer, or anything else.
This last year was particularly bad. My sister showed up last June to tell me the man who raised me was not my father. Sure enough, turned out our former minister was, and he tried to have me aborted. I subsequently had my fourth miscarriage. My beloved dog died, my "father" became critically ill, I was mistaking diagnosed with cancer, our finances were messed up. I cut coupons, sign up for freebies, do what I can. My sister doesn't.
Of all this, she is envious. The THING, the house, the money, is more important to her than anyone or anything else. And she COULD have saved and budgeted and did the things that we did. She has a master's degree, she made her own choices.
She envied people their clothes, their cars, their STUFF. She envies my house. In the end, I'm not sure what price she is willing to pay for this envy.
But I do know, ENVY is the 5th E. And perhaps the one that costs more than any other.
The OTHER "E"
April 13th, 2006 at 10:08 pm
9 Responses to “The OTHER "E"”
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April 13th, 2006 at 11:19 pm 1144970353
April 14th, 2006 at 01:06 am 1144976769
You shared a deeply personal blog with us. My heart goes out to you for all that you have been through. Sometimes there is no easy answer to the 'why's" in life...For some reason, we are given lessons of adversity and compassion....maybe, it is to prepare us for what's down the road. I don't know...but these lesson do make us stronger (or prove that we were strong to begin with).
Envy can be so destructive...Happy are those that are content with what what they have and what they are able to achieve in their lives. In spite of everything, you have been very successful and have much to be proud of.
A big hug from a cyber-friend.
April 14th, 2006 at 01:57 am 1144979849
April 14th, 2006 at 02:53 am 1144983208
April 14th, 2006 at 03:02 am 1144983731
April 14th, 2006 at 04:50 am 1144990204
April 14th, 2006 at 06:34 am 1144996475
April 14th, 2006 at 07:10 am 1144998639
April 14th, 2006 at 09:56 pm 1145051766
After I posted, I wondered if *I* am being envious, but truthfully, I don't think so. I don't care about the house, and the few things that have been handed down to me are just that, things.
My DH and I woke up one night, our house had been struck by lightning, and the only thing I was concerned about was getting the dog out. Everything else is just STUFF. It was a pain to go through the insurance and repairs for critical stuff, like the air conditioner, but everything else was just stuff.