Keeping costs down, and staying within a budget, can be overtaken by events (OBE) fairly easily. Even with the best intentions, things happen.
When I was newly married, maybe 6 months into this adventure, I kept us on a very tight budget. It wasn't easy, we were both post-grad, and while others were taking copious notes on molecular breakdowns of disease patterns, I was filling the margins of my notebook with menus, shopping lists, and other planning. Superwife in training.
One week, I pulled back to back 36-hour shifts. And, I ran out of tampons. DH, however, was heading out to Longs Drugs to pick up some film, so I asked him if he could pick up a package of tampons.
The blood drained from his face.
Now, we'd shopped together for six months, he'd been physically present when I purchased tampons. I always chose the same brand, same box, same package design. How hard could this really be? He was getting a Ph.D. in rocket science, after all!
I gave him THE COUPON, which had a nice picture of the item on it.
I didn't hear from him. You would think he would come in proudly bearing gifts, but no. I called up to his office, he said they were in the car. I went to the car. Hmmm...
the conversation that followed went something like this:
"honey, where are tampons?"
"in the bag"
"WHICH bag?"
"you know, in there somewhere with the other stuff"
"these aren't tampons"
"they were in the right area"
"but you know what the box looks like"
"they all look the same"
"but there was a picture on the coupon. did you USE the coupon?"
"um, no. A guy can't use a coupon for tampons"
"and why did you buy a 100 foot super extension cord? we live in an apartment, nothing is 100 feet away from a plug"
"we might need one someday"
"and what about this car buffer? you haven't washed the car since we've lived here"
"i might"
"but there's no place to plug it in"
"we have a new extension cord"
"why?"
"well...I didn't want to be seen hanging out in that aisle. people will think I'm weird or something. a guy can't just buy tampons. and I needed to buy stuff to cover up the tampons. you can't just carry those around a store"
So, my $3 tampons cost around $100. So much for the budget.
23 years later, we've both adapted to married life. We both learned that day that nothing reeks havoc on a budget quite like embarassment.
It's not uncommon for people to be embarassed and self-conscious about budgeting their finances. Shopping the sales, using coupons, making sure discounts and items are properly credited, buying a product that "feels" like second-rate, all can bring out the EMOTIONS of shopping. When the emotions are let loose, so is the money.
One trick several friends use to stay on track on the grocery aisles is to carry a series of index cards.
On one is printed the word STOP.
On one, the phase "YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE IN DEBT. YOU DO DESERVE FINANCIAL SECURITY" as well as things like "YOU DESERVE PEACE"; "YOU DESERVE TO HAVE NICE THINGS. YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT OVERPRICED JUNK"
On one, "DON'T BE EMBARRASSED THAT YOU ARE TOO SMART TO WASTE YOUR MONEY LIKE THEY ARE".
"YOU DON'T NEED TO SPEND TO LOVE"
or whatever else does it for them. Those cards get carried around along with the shopping list and coupons, and they actually do help them remember that the budget is a blessing, not a curse.
Remember, Donald Trump shops at KMart. The heiress of a well known flour company uses coupons and shops sales. Rich people who stay that way don't waste money.
Hang in there.
Men Don't Buy Tampons and other Budget Busters
April 8th, 2006 at 09:02 pm
17 Responses to “Men Don't Buy Tampons and other Budget Busters”
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April 8th, 2006 at 09:29 pm 1144531774
April 8th, 2006 at 10:02 pm 1144533775
April 8th, 2006 at 10:22 pm 1144534972
(He was eeven at walmart one time, I called and he refused...)
April 8th, 2006 at 10:29 pm 1144535368
I do think it's odd, though, how embarrassment can cost us so much financially. Embarassed about the car we drive, the clothes we wear, just wondering if someone is looking in our grocery cart and judging us!
I actually was feeling a bit guilty holding a pile of coupons out to the cashier two weeks ago, and she said "wow, where do you get these great coupons?" She said she had been to all the web sites but they are all printables, and her store doesn't accept printables. I went from guilt and embarrassment to feeling good about being able to help her! And I saved 70%!
April 8th, 2006 at 11:51 pm 1144540317
Combined with your first post of april 8, you've pretty much hit the three "E" horsemen of overspending - Emergency, Embarrassment, and Emotion. (I wanted to think of a 4th E...Entertainment just wasn't catchy enough). And it seems like sales and advertising exploit all of these. I like the index card trick; perhaps some yoga or meditation techniques will help quell overspending too.
April 8th, 2006 at 11:55 pm 1144540548
Emergency, Embarrassment, Emotion, and Easy.
April 9th, 2006 at 02:33 am 1144549996
April 9th, 2006 at 10:31 pm 1144621871
April 9th, 2006 at 10:35 pm 1144622139
Two weeks ago, at our local grocer's, they had a sale on Kotex with a manufacturer's checkout rebate, a rebate on Always, and a sale on another brand. I had coupons for all of them, but was getting confused with the rebate/sale/coupon versus the other rebate/sale/coupon, etc. So, asked DH to calculate which was the best buy and double check the coupons while I looked at hair care two feet from him. He said whatever I put in the cart was fine.
At checkout, the items didn't match the coupons. Checked the online rebate, and didn't get that either. Asked DH, he said something like "they all had flowers on them"
April 9th, 2006 at 11:37 pm 1144625837
[ Trackback From: MyMoneyBlog - Carnival of Personal Finance ]
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I had a tough time deciding on how to host this week's Carnival. Honestly, I haven't read (or submitted to) one in weeks. As Carnivals get larger, the host tends to get overwhelmed...
April 10th, 2006 at 03:53 pm 1144684380
April 10th, 2006 at 09:54 pm 1144706081
I really tried but I felt everyone was looking at the perv going through the womens clothes. I also do not understand the size setups. It is much easier as a guy to buy stuff guy stuff. I also don't have a grasp on matching colors and accessorizing. Several times I have had to approach sales ladies and try to explain what my wife wanted as a gift. I have been red faced many a time trying to verbalize correctly what I needed to buy.
I now take my sister who understands the code and the lingo of womens clothing. Let's face it most fellas I know really can't do this without feeling really embarassed or worse humiliated.
Ladies please give us an A for effort but the majority of us can't pull this off. Oh, forget about under garments! I won't enter that part of the store even with my sister.
Buying Tampons is a bunt compared to having to buy clothes for a womans gift!
April 10th, 2006 at 11:21 pm 1144711278
April 11th, 2006 at 01:48 pm 1144763330
April 23rd, 2006 at 06:28 am 1145773724
April 24th, 2006 at 10:49 pm 1145918975
April 25th, 2006 at 10:03 pm 1146002632